Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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