I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
