I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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