Her vagina should come with caution tape.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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