i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
