"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
