i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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