mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Duck Duck Cougar?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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