My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
