K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
