she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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