No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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