I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
