I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
