I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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