Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She is in my trunk
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
