nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Found the puke drawer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
