Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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