I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
