I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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