Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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