So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
