oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
