You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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