Pappa wants mamma naked
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
