Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
