I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
