btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
