Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
