everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
