ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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