I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize