So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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