Me too!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
