just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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