Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?

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(239): View more from Florida

I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.

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