I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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