Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize