If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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