i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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