He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
