i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
