you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
