it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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