mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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