Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
