Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
