He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
