Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need to sanitize my soul.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
