is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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