i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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