Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
