Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
