Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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