I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize