dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
