you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
