why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
