It's like a parade of train wrecks.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Farmville is her only friend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize