Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
