so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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