Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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