She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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