If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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