I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
