so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize