when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
