Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
