i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
