You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize