If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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