Don't make out with my wife yet
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
