Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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