I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize