I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
