i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
