All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
