Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My vagina is officially offended.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
