i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm at about main and main street
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
