Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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