wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
