How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
