I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
