I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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