I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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