if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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