the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
