She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
