This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
