Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
