Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
