I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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