I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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