I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
